No One's Looking

You told me many things,
You told me I'd never be anything
Until I made you everything,
Somewhere along the road,
Relevance lost its appeal.

Haiku "Regretful and Forgetful"

Tomorrow will be the best day of my life,
On a side-note,
It will also be my last.

perhaps you'll be there (draft)

we're lost in the narrows
hand in hand,
shrinking atop the shifting sand
with warm kisses melting on our mouths

maybe nothing really matters
when we're off to bed,
with your tongue in my mouth
and the thoughts of you in my head

laying on the beach of some infinite ocean
in the bed we made under a motionless moon;
an ancient feeling passing between us -
making the most of the world that will end too soon
END

Clean Me In The Flood (draft)

The garden is empty,
Ashamed and naked we stand,
Under an artist God's thumb,
Trying to nurture a fallow land

How lovely is your dwelling place,
Enchanted though it may be,
With each and every ear to the ground
Listening for a God who cannot be seen

Dust to glory, and so on and on,
Of the earth we are but salt
The only light won't show itself
So the world is now our fault

We are but a temple with a mouth
Trying to rid itself of the taste of blood;
Starving and bathing in the dust itself
Come, cleanse me in the flood

Fragile Teacher

How is it that you are so fragile and lovely?
And I am not allowed to look - or touch,
Until I teach myself to be alone.

What Do I Want To Do Before I Die?

Nothing poetic.
Find a good reason, or perhaps two good reasons to have lived.
Find something to love and truly put it before myself.
Build a house to love it in.
Build a temple to cherish love in.
Then burn it all to the ground; all, but love.
But nothing poetic.

The Abandon Highway

I lay as dead as the abandon highway
Knowing one day I'll be a man
With dreams as pious as God Himself
When they come true I'll be perfect then,
And I thought of heaven as she lay beside me
With each breath taken together-
Under the curved moon,
Drunk beneath the infinite sky,
Because we are fools to lay here
Because God won't despair
I started looking at our breath
Evaporate into the air
Thoughts of nothing lasts a whole night,
Not fear, or comfort, or the love we cannot find,
When I wake tomorrow, I won't be yours
And you will no longer be mine
END

Do Not Lie To Me

Do not lie to me,
a hand is a hand
no matter who holds it.
We are as they see us,
in their dark and twisted minds;
we are not as the almighty light
shows us to be.
For now, this world is the only that matters,
and I think you would agree.

If you only spent a day in my head
you would be as I am,
a subtle curl of a smile,
cherishing the world's ignorance.

Always In Mind pt.I

keeping my distance-
watching kite strings
caught in the fickle breeze-
watching the thin brown twine
do a ballet across gray skies-
with you in mind
with you always in mind-
dancing with me always.

There's A God In Heaven. He's Watching me Squirm

Don't be far tonight,
Or I swear I'll let the smoke swallow me
In deep controlled breaths,
You're cunning and clever, and soon to leave me
Looking after the sky,
But it doesn't matter-
Not while I lay on the hood of this car or any other,
Not tonight
Or any other night,
I exist only now, not forever,
You are true I am absent,
And when you come again to find me
You'll find me;
Just another fish in the brook-
Swimming against the stream.

Because I'm Tired I Look For A Reason

i can't sleep again
and though the night is almost spent-
i don't care
i'm done trying to make myself happy
i thought i should let you know
END

How Does It End?

tonight i could smoke a cigarette
to make my breath stale and unbecoming
and i could leave that taste on my tongue
but i will not drown as a faded man
or a dreamer asking; what's next?
i could write a poem and share another idea
but no ending is tragic enough
i wish i could write the ending myself
and bleed words of forever from my lips
but i won't
somehow, everything will be alright
i thought i should let you know
END

The Thoughts Of The Night

The road was open,
As beautiful and as clear as the west skyline unfolding
My ears were ringing with highway noise
Just a passenger whispering,

Take me far away,
To where I lose control
Take me far away
Until I can't remember a single face

I have gone my whole life
With hands, fresh from the applause
Stretched out and placed on my back
And only now do I cease to feel them

I have been convinced,
That sorrow and true happiness
Come and go
And neither one will miss me
END

Again There's a Silence

open eyelids washed suddenly back
in memory
i think about you often
i thought i should let you know

If I Touch Your Beauty, Will You Touch Me Back?

Tell them I have gone away.
Far past the midnight call
past the mansions I've been promised,
past the fallen wall.

To a place of which I'm curious
Of dreamers lovers and saints
Of the ever-calling siren
Of the traveler's worn down staves

I thought of the convenience of the faceless
and all the wisdom I seem to lack.
For all I want is to touch her beauty,
and for her beauty to touch me back.

So I put my hand across the sheets
to try to hold her hand.
As ruined and separate as ships at sea
come no nearer to the sand.

But the gracious wind calls me back
she whispers after me.
And we burn our sails with steadfast eyes
like two lovers lost at sea.

She has fallen asleep
with her head against my chest.
Will you tell them I have gone away?
Unto to the city of rest.
END.

Let Me Drop Without Breaking

Turn on me, O' wind in the pasture,
Rather- chase me to the spire's top
And if we meet or my spirit fall faster
Let it drop without breaking me,

And If I cower upon this tower awhile
If I just close my eyes and perceive,
If I crumple myself to fit in your smile
I believe I'll have learned how to need

So where is the hope, the failure, the light,
The wisdom through which you see?
If I should jump from this tower in laughter
Would your waves enrapture me?
END

Letters (pt. 2)

There is something real inside,
standing above my grief.
Please come home, sister
my body no longer yearns to feel;
it has felt too much these past weeks.
I believe you have forgotten the memories,
and indeed forgotten my thoughts.
I pray you at least remember me.

I'm no longer afraid to raise my voice.
END

One Conversation

Snow was falling but I never felt it,
The cold is a bitter curse
To the young men who never stop shivering;

Sister, when our conversation had ended
And I went back to my room,
I felt nothing,

No sorrow, no joy,
Nothing to celebrate,
For the brutal noise of this evening will wake again the sun

But for now, I adore the snow,
It is beautiful,
When everything elsewhere is ugly

Born The Coward

Today I felt like fighting,
I felt like losing

I wanted it to end;
With bruised and bloodied knuckles

With me left alive
And a coward left bleeding

My boredom passed.

And now I go to my innocuous dreams
The ones that leave my eyelids heavy

But like you, I feel a fight stirring
We all know it, it started the day we were born

It gets the people talking
And keeps them quiet

And it can keep us from killing ourselves
Because we still think we can win
END

Give Us Back To God

I always try
But I fail to fit you inside my head
And the condescension is to both-
You, and I

They say my time has already past
Lord, believe me:
My time has yet to come

When the end comes
And wrinkles take my face,
All will end as it began-
Painless
END

Divorce

I saw her wading in the shallows.
The sky was gray over the mute sunshine.
It was the first time I saw her face
bearing no smile.
Her veil, like the clouds, showed no sympathy
for the beauty laying behind them.
She spoke with a voice stained by my rebuke-
"What is, what can be, and what is already lost
Could have been me, my Darling. Just a wave in the sea
that the tempest tossed.
Could have been me!"
Her voice broke like her footfalls used to
in a rage up the stairs.
"I still love you very much," I said.
I said nothing else, nor did she.
And we paused for a moment.
Tears and sweat were crawling down my face;
her face was solemn, with expression only
to make a cloudy sky jealous.
-And a man fearing for his future.
Her dress was now wet up to her knees,
I could see them shaking.
My fascination shied -for my grief
was steadily earning its keep.
I was afraid.
"Here I am." I said.
Speaking with words I never believed in.
She took a couple small steps back shaking her head.
"No." She murmured.
"You said you would always stand by me,
but you left so long ago."
"Please, let me become you." I offered.
"Let the narrow and broad path be put behind us."
She bit her lip, her eyes filling with tears
like the clouds overhead.
She stepped away and they began to fall.
"Why did I ever hold your hand?" She said.
"You made me feel as if I wasn't alone; but we're alone,
no matter the pleasurable company
you might find yourself in.
I never should have let you touch me.
For now that you're gone -I feel as though
I'm the last honest soul drawing breath.
And the loneliest the world has ever known."
"I love you." I said blankly.
Those words had somehow lost all their truth-
for she believed me not.
-End-

Crossing Paths

I've been told the same things as you have
Look both ways before crossing the paths
Mother always said there is nothing to fear
Mother was wrong
END

Tea Kettles. Part I & II

Part I
Coming down from each tree limb
meeting the ground below.
We all well know
Autumn's cruel figure.
Each landscape sets another year.
I've spent years here,
and only now do I want the hotels,
and the cigar smoke to pour from my mouth-
like steam from the tea kettles back home.

I've smiled on your letters
from such an awful height.
I can't wait until tomorrow
to tell you how I feel tonight.
I've done too much in your absence.
END I

part II
I've found a way to sleep-
Shipwrecked.
Like a spent candle stick
peaceful in its brevity-
flawless in its separation.
O' how it comes.
How it goes.
...

Life is a girl waiting to disappoint you.

You First Left Me

How was it the first time you left me?
Drumming my fingers on the window-sill,
watching the rain mock me
and hearing the birds sing-
they seem to be
as lonely as I am this evening.
I feel more for them
than I could ever feel for me.
More than enough to make my empty body weep.
END

A Story Untold

It's the last word I've written.
The fish I caught,
and then sent away.
It's what we call revenge,
a knife,
a bullet,
Murder! echoes through the rain.
end.

I Wish I Could Believe You

I wish I wasn't such a coward.
Nor boy, nor man, nor fool,
I feel as a stuffed man who bleeds
a man whose expectations drool.
When I come home in December
after my body has gone numb,
I can't say I'm a brave man
though I bet I have more courage than some.
There's always something cold inside me,
yet always something warm,
I wish I could somehow believe you;
when you say you can weather this storm.
END

To All My Last Words

Boredom is a callus thing,
it calls a storm a habit.
You might say one who still has youth has it easy
but you would be wrong.
There is no disease more awful
than potential.
This is as far in my head as you ever need to get.
END

All the Men I've Known

She brings out the best in me,
the best and sometimes the worst.
The best of any man I've known,
but I hate all the men I've known.
END

What's the Matter?

What does it matter now?
I am neither here nor there.
I can taste the pavement
through my shoes.
Clever girl.
I've lost her now,
and I half expected to.
End

April, part I

You are still looking for a shortcut,
another way home.
April again:
You can have me
if you can walk me home-
You can have me.
And if you can admire a coward
you can break my heart.
If I can fall in love
with an empty dress-
you can have me.
You can break my fall.
...

Letters

Life is so long
with a cruel taste in your mouth.
With a tongue so vague,
and so shy,
a tongue trying to seem
sincere.
In a body longing to feel.
Longing.
A body standing so tall
a body is twine
curtains,
a prison cell,
a body is a looking glass.
And there is something real inside.
END

All Good for Nothing.

A dragonfly or a beetle
Kept underneath a glass;
And things with wings should sit there,
And things that fly should pass
Without ever stretching their wings.
END

Eve

Eve, who told you of your nakedness?
Who told you of your shame?
No beauty was left unnoticed,
no beauty left unseen.
You find yourself an evening dress
to expose all you are.
To kill the man, and to impress
and you keep this world in a jar.

Disappointment is the girl I notice...
END

Darkness That Betrayed Me

PART 1.
I lement my footfalls
On the darkest streets I tread
No sunset to shrink before me
By the darkest hands I'm lead

I walk beneath the street lights
Every step becoming my home
The stillness of each breath I take
Makes sure I know I'm alone
...

Somewhere In Sunlight

You said I'd always belong with you
and passed with a cordial smile
nothing would change nothing would be new
yet you've been gone for quite awhile

I fancy you're somewhere in sunlight
or in the shade with a tear in your eye
I remember all my dreams last night
the dreams spent under a hopeful sky

Please give me a chance open your hand
I'll leave you more than alone
I wish you had made me more a man
one far better than any you've known
END